Voice In The Void: A Short Story
Dec. 14th, 2024 01:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
critters_systemA trans woman on the cusp of restarting her life finds herself floating in a void, with a mysterious voice talking to her. As her situation becomes clear, an unique opportunity offers itself to save her, and maybe even help both her and the other presence... (4300 words)
(After spending its time in the editing pile, this longer story is finally done! Can't say enough about how much better this ended than its original incarnation; the edits were absolutely worth it. Hope y'all enjoy this story as much as we did writing it!)
Note: This story discusses death, and dying while closeted.
It’s quiet. Quiet and pitch black. Deeper than an empty room, more like a complete void. Had I somehow ended up in one of those sensory deprivation chambers? ... No, then I probably would at least feel like I had a body. I would probably hear my heart beat then.
You know what this is.
Huh. Guess I’m hallucinating now too. Or are you..?
Just as stuck as you are.
Ah.
Yes. Ah.
Are you... Where exactly am I? And who are you again?
I think you can recall most of why we are here.
Maybe?
There was... I remember being at work, and then I heard screaming and running. I looked up, and there was some weird purple light flooding out from the centre of the park where I worked. Something that felt wrong. Like the world was tearing itself apart, yet even worse. What I saw felt like an error to an error.
It was.
And then... All I remember is throwing a bucket of water at the source, and then nothing.
It might be for the best that you do not remember how your life ended.
... Yeah. I died, didn’t I?
From what little I could tell, it was not pleasant.
Not pleasant in what way, exactly..?
Imagine your entire body inverting, flash freezing, being torn apart, electrocuted... All at once, across countless dimensions, in a moment that would have been both instant and infinite. Your world was maybe seconds from folding in on itself. Aside from a deeply fractalized pocket of space in the middle of your “park”, one that ended up including your body, your world otherwise avoided accidental destruction.
Fuck.
A deeply understandable response.
... So, what now then?
What do you mean, exactly?
If I’m dead... Why am I still here? Shouldn’t I either be heading to whatever afterlife happens to be correct, or just not be a thing any more?
That... Might be my fault. I apologize.
Uhh, apology accepted for making me not fully dead yet, I guess?
Tell me, do you have any idea what your final action did?
Aside from blowing myself up, apparently along with a tiny bit of reality? Not really- Wait. Was that..?
Yes. At the centre of the dissolution of your reality stood the spot where someone had tried to summon me.
So you’re a demon?
That is what you creatures call my kind, yes.
Well, that explains where I’m headed at least. Of all the afterlives I could get...
Not exactly. See, I was not lying or incorrect when I said I too was stuck here earlier. The technique for allowing me access to your world is fickle at best, and while I have no understanding of why I was attempted summoned, much less in a crowded place, the person who attempted the summoning made several critical errors.
Errors?
For a demon to be summoned, you need to call upon all of their nature. The least complicated way to do this is through the elaborate sigils that I fear have become known to dedicated humans again, although even the smallest errors can mean your summoning fails... Or worse, almost works.
What does a summoning almost working even mean?
Imagine... I am not familiar with your modern technology. Do you still use the telegraph?
Those haven’t been in use for a few decades now, but I got to try one once. I think I might get what you’re saying.
I will have to update my knowledge later, in that case. As I was saying, imagine a telegraph message, with words made out of individual signs. If the message is sent as intended, it will be clear and the recipient can read it without issues. In that same way, a successful summon should include all of a demon. However, if you make the wrong input, you change the entire word. With a telegraph message, one might still be able to interpret the message despite the error, but when the letters of the words instead refer to aspects such as ones sense of self, ability to control their powerful magic, or even their relation to the collective reality...
Fuck.
Yes. Fuck.
How bad was it?
I think I am unfathomably fortunate to only remember fragments. What I remember was painful beyond words, and the sensation of being in two places at once, then a million. I am not certain of the scale of the error, but whoever made it somehow both managed to capture all of my vast power while completely unanchoring it from both my control and the very concept of a singular reality.
How in the world did one bucket manage to stop you blowing up? I know things were unstable, but I still don’t see how that could have such an effect.
That is simple. The summoning sigils were not waterproof. They would have stayed until the summoning was complete, an act which would have destroyed your world, had you not managed to wash them away just enough to disrupt the process.
... Fuck. This is real, isn’t it.
It has always been real.
I’m talking to a demon. One that says it-
Oh. That is a good word.
... You like the it/its pronouns?
If that is intended to refer to me... Yes, I think I like those words. The last times I was summoned, the term the summoners used was “he”, and I did not enjoy that term nearly as much.
You and me both on that front.
May I ask how, exactly?
See- Of all things to do immediately after dying, I didn’t think having to explain gender to a demon was something that’d be a thing.
If it helps, I understand the basics. You humans use separate terms to indicate specific traits within your biology and social roles, correct? So if your annoyance is relevant, does this mean you were displeased with the terms used for you?
That is both a great summary and a bit too convenient. You’re not familiar past the telegraph, but get gender enough to basically understand what trans people are just like that?
I have been blessed- Or, perhaps cursed is just as accurate- with acquaintances whose incredible interest in human society is only rivaled by their disinterest in technology, and it is their information I have had to build my understanding around.
Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Yeah, everyone thought I was a guy, even myself for way too long. It sucked, and when I finally figured it out it still took me too long to do anything about it. In fact... Fuck. Oh, fuck.
What is wrong?
I had my appointment to get HRT- Medicine to help change my body the way I want to- later today. I was finally gonna start becoming myself. I planned to talk to what few friends I have about all this and all once I’d gotten that into gear, reintroduce myself properly. And now I went and died in a body that isn’t mine. Fuck.
Oh. I will admit I have not experienced such, but I understand your sorrow. I know how much you humans value this “being yourself”, and to have that denied by an untimely death...
You know what I wanted the most? To just... Not have to wear that fucking mask any more. Maybe relax, know that the ones around me knew who they were talking to. I spent far too many years as nothing, and now nothing is all I will ever be.
A terrible time for such a tragedy to occur, I agree, but-
I didn’t tell anyone who I was! That name, that fucking name, is all they have to remember me by now. Why couldn’t I just have tried talking to them? Noooooo, I had to be all quiet about this until I could finally get something going on the medical side, but then all this shit had to happen right at the finish line!
Calm down. Please.
What do you mean, calm down? I fucking died!
And so did I as well.
... Wait, really? Didn’t part of you not get summoned or whatever it was?
A majority of what is me was trapped by the summoning, and was also destructively displaced when the sigils were destroyed. We are both here because both our forms no longer exist in your reality, or any reality at all. However... I can possibly prevent our complete annihilation.
What? How?
I still have enough power to create one body. You are still anchored close enough to your reality that I can craft something that belongs there. And from one of the stories told by the acquaintance I mentioned earlier... I believe we can both coexist safely within that body, if we collaborate about it. That is, if you are willing to accept my offer.
And if I don’t accept?
Then both of us will be unable to escape from here, and we will slowly fade into oblivion with each other as our only witnesses.
That’s not what I want. No offence, you’ve been cool to talk to and all, but I don’t want this to be the end.
No offence taken, as I am in complete agreement with you. This is not a worthy end for either of us.
So- No wait, before I jump ahead. How much control do you have over the body we would have?
For what it feels like you want? More than enough.~
The park was unusually lively. After what appeared to have been a botched summoning attempt earlier that day, the place was swarming with police trying to establish order, investigators going over every centimetre of the fractal abnormality in the middle of one of the clearings in order to piece together what exactly had happened, along with crowds of journalists and onlookers. All deeply curious, and still unaware of how perilously close they too had gotten to annihilation. Most local park workers had been called in for emergency work, both to assist with keeping everything under control and to start cleaning up. However, those at the park started talking between themselves as the hours went on. One of their numbers had been working at the time of the incident, and was last seen close to the epicentre of the destruction. Nobody knew where they were now. Nobody had managed to get in contact with them for hours.
In an alleyway some distance from the park, a young woman was doing her best to stand up on shaking legs, using muscles that had never been used before. Even when she stood up, there was a voice in the back of her mind that yelled that she was supposed to be taller. The unwashed dumpster beside her wasn’t supposed to be almost as tall as her. It was the same unfamiliarity as shone on her washed-out light purple fur, or the extra weight that her rich waterfall of pale pink hair and several pointed horns provided to her head. The demonic fennec fox woman, whose body had been neither demonic nor all that feminine (at least in her eyes) when she woke up that morning, felt her tail swish with great vigour. She was alive. She was herself. She was herself!
“And just as much me too, of course.”
The girl giggled. “Of course. Wouldn’t be here without you. This body feels amazing, you know?”
“I certainly hope it lives up to expectations,” the demon responded with a chuckle in its voice. “It is not the first time I have crafted a vessel for myself, but it is the first time I have had to content with the explicit wishes of someone else as well, and I do hope what I created is fit for purpose.”
“Oh, this is way more than fit for purpose.” The girl could’ve- and very much probably should’ve- done this conversation within the space of their collective mind, but she had a new voice. One without any of the gravelly tones that had marred her all her life. How could she not revel in it? “You know, the best- scratch that, the only good part of being in that void- was when I realized I wasn’t feeling that old dysphoria any more. While in that nothingness, I was just... Myself. Even if that myself was technically dead. But this? This feels like Myself, but in the flesh. This is how the air is supposed to feel on my fur. This is how it should feel to stand, to walk. This is how my senses- Alright, I could do without this stinking dumpster,” she laughed as she mockingly waved some air at her face, finding it to be no less rank than what was already assaulting her sense of smell. “But this is how things should’ve been all along. I’m finally me.”
“It is a pleasure to see you this happy, Meredith.”
Meredith.
It was the name she had planned to introduce herself with at the clinic that evening. It was the name she was waiting to hear from all her friends. And now it was undeniably her name. Another spark of joy filled her body, as she took a few uneasy steps to learn how the balance of this body worked. Her motions probably didn’t need this much tail to counterbalance, but hey. You’re allowed a little lenience in relearning to walk after dying, she thought with a giggle.
A vibration went off in the back pocket of her jeans. Familiar, but unexpected. “Wait, didn’t I leave my phone in my locker over at the park? Why is it here?” she asked.
“When you described your modern communication technologies earlier, as I was crafting this body,” the demon responded, “I could not help but notice your point about these being individual belongings, and their importance for immediate communication with those close to you. And so, I might have cast a small spell to give you another choice to make.”
“What kind of choice?”
The demon paused, thinking about its next words. “Even if your original body is gone, you still have connections here. It might be a struggle to convince them of your original identity, but you deserve the chance to attempt so if that is what you desire. Of course, you may instead decide to start completely anew. No past, just a future. But that is entirely your choice to make.”
Meredith pulled out her phone. Several messages, even a couple missed calls. A buzz of activity in the group chat she shared with the few people she had gotten close enough to while working at the park to call friends. The very same people she wanted to come out to first. The most recent of them, that had been pinged at her old name, just read “If you see this, please. Tell us you’re still alive. Please.”
“So what you’re saying is we’re either gonna have to come out with a bang, or start all over.”
“Exactly. Both paths have their own perils and rewards, but I believe you know what is right for you, and what you desire to do.”
The possibility of starting over yanked at her mind with its allure. Nobody would know the name or the face she once had. Nobody would think twice about who she was. All the years of having to answer to a name that didn’t belong to her, having to hide the pain of getting her most dysphoria-inducing features constantly complimented... It could all be abandoned, like the garbage in the nearby dumpster. It would be so easy to let go of everything. A perfect new start.
With a sigh, she unlocked her phone, and began typing.
“I’m alive, and I’m well. Some things happened when all that stuff went down, but I’m okay, if a little different. It’s a long story. If everyone has time, I can be at our usual cafe in maybe half an hour. There’s some stuff I have to talk about with all of you that I’d rather do face to face. Don’t worry, if anything I’m doing better than ever.”
She hit send, and moments later responses poured in. Some of the responses were shock at her actually still being alive, others were surprise at the idea of meeting everyone at a specific place and wondered about what she had to say. Everyone was overjoyed from hearing she was alive. For someone who had been kept up many a night at the thought that she’d be forgotten almost immediately if she ever vanished, the sudden downpour of compassion hit Meredith like a truck.
“You have great friends. I am happy for your sake that you chose this path.” Meredith felt a warmth within her headspace, one similar to being hugged, and noticed just how blurry the world had become from her tears.
Usually, she’d just try to wave off her emotions, but not this time. This was a time to let them flood her, fill her with their signs of life. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I have,” she got out through her happy sobs.
“Now, I do not plan to rush you, but from what I understand, we will need most of that half an hour to get to the planned meeting spot. May I invoke our agreement so that we can get there while you focus on processing your emotions?”
“Sure, sure,” Meredith responded, smiling even as tears dribbled down her face. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Then let us begin.”
Meredith’s body blinked, and when her eyelids opened again, brown eyes were replaced with a deep void, framing purple irises and sharply slitted pupils. The body’s posture changed, as the euphoric albeit emotional energy shifted into something careful, something close to a predator playing at being casual. It had an uncomfortable edge to it, especially as it made even more inexperienced steps towards the open end of the alley.
“You alright out there?” Meredith asked. The sound of her headspace voice was just as comforting as her physical voice had been, even if it carried the echoes of her recent sobbing. Feeling the difference between her body being emotional and her detached inner self being emotional was a whole different rush, one she meant to figure out when the current controller of their body had some control.
“I.. I think so,” the demon responded. “This is not the first time I have been in a body like this, but it has been far too long since the last time. And that form was rather... Different, to say the least.” It finished that last point by gesturing at their breasts, which, okay, maybe Meredith had been a little too enthusiastic about making them rather hefty when she got the option. Not large enough to be a problem, but large enough to be noticeable for sure. “Not that I think I am troubled by our shape, as this body is surprisingly comfortable,” the demon continued. At least neither of them were experiencing gender dysphoria in this new body. That could’ve been weird.
“Happy to hear you’re doing alright,” Meredith said, sadness drying up. In fact, she was now starting to feel the nerves of her quickly approaching meeting to come out to her closest friends, and remembered something that could take her mind off of those worries. “Hey, you know, I don’t think I ever got around to asking you your name.”
“And I do not think I ever mentioned it either,” the demon said, playing around with the body’s voice. It sounded firmer than Meredith, with a slightly calmer pitch and much better control of its airflow than the other inhabitant of the body had, but with some of the same soft roundness Meredith had instantly fallen in love with herself. If she had to describe it, she’d probably say it had ‘cool aunt’ energy. The loud chuckle ringing through the body, both physically and mentally, was probably due to her thoughts being slightly louder than intended. Oops. “That is something we will figure out with time,” the demon said internally with a smile on its physical face. “Besides, I do believe it would be best for us to continue this conversation internally for now, considering these streets are not exactly void of others.”
As if to illustrate its point perfectly, two pedestrians, a dust-coloured rabbit and a gray squirrel, walked past the slightly unbalanced and totally not demon-like fennec at a not quite normal pace. Meredith hoped the glances the two tried to sneak at the copilot of their body were concern about their slight instability and not worry about someone with horns and funny fur colour showing up a stone’s throw from an attempted summoning. The demon, apparently figuring out how to use its tail for balance finally, sped up a little too, keeping the body moving in a normal-enough looking way. Hopefully. “Point taken,” Meredith quietly agreed.
“To get back to your question,” the demon said, “I do not think I have introduced myself properly to you yet. It is quite a bad habit of mine, I must confess. Even if demon names, due to their connection to several methods of control and summoning, often require a degree of care in who to reveal it to, I fully believe and trust you at this point to not misuse it. Not that I think you can at this point, considering our interconnection. And... I think I just answered your quick question with a small dissertation on the nature of demon names instead. That was... Not quite my intention, and I apologize.”
Now it was Meredith’s turn to laugh at her bodily cohabitant, although this one did not make its way to their body. “Apology accepted, nerd,” she said while projecting the mental image of her pulling a raspberry at it, which was met with a soft smile as their body stopped at a street crossing to wait for a green light. “But I have to ask. Is it really just all that fancy demon stuff that’s behind you not hinting at anything? Or is there... Something else, too?”
The demon went still. So still in fact, that the light had time to turn green, and Meredith had to push her way into control of the body to get over before traffic got moving again. Had she really hit that sore a spot for someone she was gonna share a body with for the foreseeable future already? “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t wanna-”
“I am fine,” the demon cut her off. “I was just not quite prepared for your inquiry... To strike quite as deep as it did. In a positive way, if you are concerned.” The reassurances did not quite ease the tension Meredith held in her body. Wasn’t this how she felt whenever she was concerned about something? ... Was there a time she wasn’t concerned about something? A small wave of comfort came from the demon.
“All that happened was that I was forced to genuinely face my reasons for not sharing my name with you. And I realized... It is as you suggested. Even before joining with you as a single vessel, I felt a disconnect between that name and myself as an entity. Now that I too have the chance to distance myself from it...”
“... You’re trying to figure out what or who you want to be instead,” Meredith finished. “I get it. Fuck, I’ve been there myself. Do you want any help with this?”
The demon shrugged internally. “Perhaps. I am not certain yet. I did not think this would even be a possibility, and now- Wait. What did you just think?”
Meredith paused. Was that loud thoughts too? This was gonna be a long time of figuring out how their shared brain worked. “I... I was thinking about some of the names I went through when deciding on my own name. Why?”
“Because I think I liked one of those names. Was it Melody?”
“Yeah. I basically stood between that and Meredith after going through my list, and things ended up how they did. You’re thinking..?”
The demon went quiet. It kept control as they kept on walking, but all Meredith noticed was a deliberate quiet when she tried to feel it in their head. Finally, in a tone so alien in its nervousness that it almost shocked Meredith, it meekly asked, “If... Are you fine with me using that as a name?”
“Of course.” Meredith did her best to give her companion a hug from within. “If you wanna be Melody, then I’m happy to meet you, Melody.”
“Melody...”
It paused its walking, and took a deep breath. “Melody,” it said out loud. “I am Melody.” There was a deep joy in Melody’s voice, and Meredith could feel it holding back happy tears. “Thank you so much, Meredith,” it said, and offered the body back to her as its emotions threatened to overwhelm it.
“You’re welcome, Melody,” Meredith said as she sped up slightly. At least as much as her incomplete mastery of her new body allowed. After all, they’d spent several minutes on this (Albeit necessary) conversation, and they had somewhere to be.
And so they went on. Meredith controlling the body, while Melody rode out its unexpected emotions with the occasional question about the world around them. The city around them was glazed in the early sunset glow as the two started their new life as a single creature with a powerwalk towards their destination. It seemed this day was going to end much better for both of them than it started.
(After spending its time in the editing pile, this longer story is finally done! Can't say enough about how much better this ended than its original incarnation; the edits were absolutely worth it. Hope y'all enjoy this story as much as we did writing it!)
Note: This story discusses death, and dying while closeted.
It’s quiet. Quiet and pitch black. Deeper than an empty room, more like a complete void. Had I somehow ended up in one of those sensory deprivation chambers? ... No, then I probably would at least feel like I had a body. I would probably hear my heart beat then.
You know what this is.
Huh. Guess I’m hallucinating now too. Or are you..?
Just as stuck as you are.
Ah.
Yes. Ah.
Are you... Where exactly am I? And who are you again?
I think you can recall most of why we are here.
Maybe?
There was... I remember being at work, and then I heard screaming and running. I looked up, and there was some weird purple light flooding out from the centre of the park where I worked. Something that felt wrong. Like the world was tearing itself apart, yet even worse. What I saw felt like an error to an error.
It was.
And then... All I remember is throwing a bucket of water at the source, and then nothing.
It might be for the best that you do not remember how your life ended.
... Yeah. I died, didn’t I?
From what little I could tell, it was not pleasant.
Not pleasant in what way, exactly..?
Imagine your entire body inverting, flash freezing, being torn apart, electrocuted... All at once, across countless dimensions, in a moment that would have been both instant and infinite. Your world was maybe seconds from folding in on itself. Aside from a deeply fractalized pocket of space in the middle of your “park”, one that ended up including your body, your world otherwise avoided accidental destruction.
Fuck.
A deeply understandable response.
... So, what now then?
What do you mean, exactly?
If I’m dead... Why am I still here? Shouldn’t I either be heading to whatever afterlife happens to be correct, or just not be a thing any more?
That... Might be my fault. I apologize.
Uhh, apology accepted for making me not fully dead yet, I guess?
Tell me, do you have any idea what your final action did?
Aside from blowing myself up, apparently along with a tiny bit of reality? Not really- Wait. Was that..?
Yes. At the centre of the dissolution of your reality stood the spot where someone had tried to summon me.
So you’re a demon?
That is what you creatures call my kind, yes.
Well, that explains where I’m headed at least. Of all the afterlives I could get...
Not exactly. See, I was not lying or incorrect when I said I too was stuck here earlier. The technique for allowing me access to your world is fickle at best, and while I have no understanding of why I was attempted summoned, much less in a crowded place, the person who attempted the summoning made several critical errors.
Errors?
For a demon to be summoned, you need to call upon all of their nature. The least complicated way to do this is through the elaborate sigils that I fear have become known to dedicated humans again, although even the smallest errors can mean your summoning fails... Or worse, almost works.
What does a summoning almost working even mean?
Imagine... I am not familiar with your modern technology. Do you still use the telegraph?
Those haven’t been in use for a few decades now, but I got to try one once. I think I might get what you’re saying.
I will have to update my knowledge later, in that case. As I was saying, imagine a telegraph message, with words made out of individual signs. If the message is sent as intended, it will be clear and the recipient can read it without issues. In that same way, a successful summon should include all of a demon. However, if you make the wrong input, you change the entire word. With a telegraph message, one might still be able to interpret the message despite the error, but when the letters of the words instead refer to aspects such as ones sense of self, ability to control their powerful magic, or even their relation to the collective reality...
Fuck.
Yes. Fuck.
How bad was it?
I think I am unfathomably fortunate to only remember fragments. What I remember was painful beyond words, and the sensation of being in two places at once, then a million. I am not certain of the scale of the error, but whoever made it somehow both managed to capture all of my vast power while completely unanchoring it from both my control and the very concept of a singular reality.
How in the world did one bucket manage to stop you blowing up? I know things were unstable, but I still don’t see how that could have such an effect.
That is simple. The summoning sigils were not waterproof. They would have stayed until the summoning was complete, an act which would have destroyed your world, had you not managed to wash them away just enough to disrupt the process.
... Fuck. This is real, isn’t it.
It has always been real.
I’m talking to a demon. One that says it-
Oh. That is a good word.
... You like the it/its pronouns?
If that is intended to refer to me... Yes, I think I like those words. The last times I was summoned, the term the summoners used was “he”, and I did not enjoy that term nearly as much.
You and me both on that front.
May I ask how, exactly?
See- Of all things to do immediately after dying, I didn’t think having to explain gender to a demon was something that’d be a thing.
If it helps, I understand the basics. You humans use separate terms to indicate specific traits within your biology and social roles, correct? So if your annoyance is relevant, does this mean you were displeased with the terms used for you?
That is both a great summary and a bit too convenient. You’re not familiar past the telegraph, but get gender enough to basically understand what trans people are just like that?
I have been blessed- Or, perhaps cursed is just as accurate- with acquaintances whose incredible interest in human society is only rivaled by their disinterest in technology, and it is their information I have had to build my understanding around.
Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Yeah, everyone thought I was a guy, even myself for way too long. It sucked, and when I finally figured it out it still took me too long to do anything about it. In fact... Fuck. Oh, fuck.
What is wrong?
I had my appointment to get HRT- Medicine to help change my body the way I want to- later today. I was finally gonna start becoming myself. I planned to talk to what few friends I have about all this and all once I’d gotten that into gear, reintroduce myself properly. And now I went and died in a body that isn’t mine. Fuck.
Oh. I will admit I have not experienced such, but I understand your sorrow. I know how much you humans value this “being yourself”, and to have that denied by an untimely death...
You know what I wanted the most? To just... Not have to wear that fucking mask any more. Maybe relax, know that the ones around me knew who they were talking to. I spent far too many years as nothing, and now nothing is all I will ever be.
A terrible time for such a tragedy to occur, I agree, but-
I didn’t tell anyone who I was! That name, that fucking name, is all they have to remember me by now. Why couldn’t I just have tried talking to them? Noooooo, I had to be all quiet about this until I could finally get something going on the medical side, but then all this shit had to happen right at the finish line!
Calm down. Please.
What do you mean, calm down? I fucking died!
And so did I as well.
... Wait, really? Didn’t part of you not get summoned or whatever it was?
A majority of what is me was trapped by the summoning, and was also destructively displaced when the sigils were destroyed. We are both here because both our forms no longer exist in your reality, or any reality at all. However... I can possibly prevent our complete annihilation.
What? How?
I still have enough power to create one body. You are still anchored close enough to your reality that I can craft something that belongs there. And from one of the stories told by the acquaintance I mentioned earlier... I believe we can both coexist safely within that body, if we collaborate about it. That is, if you are willing to accept my offer.
And if I don’t accept?
Then both of us will be unable to escape from here, and we will slowly fade into oblivion with each other as our only witnesses.
That’s not what I want. No offence, you’ve been cool to talk to and all, but I don’t want this to be the end.
No offence taken, as I am in complete agreement with you. This is not a worthy end for either of us.
So- No wait, before I jump ahead. How much control do you have over the body we would have?
For what it feels like you want? More than enough.~
The park was unusually lively. After what appeared to have been a botched summoning attempt earlier that day, the place was swarming with police trying to establish order, investigators going over every centimetre of the fractal abnormality in the middle of one of the clearings in order to piece together what exactly had happened, along with crowds of journalists and onlookers. All deeply curious, and still unaware of how perilously close they too had gotten to annihilation. Most local park workers had been called in for emergency work, both to assist with keeping everything under control and to start cleaning up. However, those at the park started talking between themselves as the hours went on. One of their numbers had been working at the time of the incident, and was last seen close to the epicentre of the destruction. Nobody knew where they were now. Nobody had managed to get in contact with them for hours.
In an alleyway some distance from the park, a young woman was doing her best to stand up on shaking legs, using muscles that had never been used before. Even when she stood up, there was a voice in the back of her mind that yelled that she was supposed to be taller. The unwashed dumpster beside her wasn’t supposed to be almost as tall as her. It was the same unfamiliarity as shone on her washed-out light purple fur, or the extra weight that her rich waterfall of pale pink hair and several pointed horns provided to her head. The demonic fennec fox woman, whose body had been neither demonic nor all that feminine (at least in her eyes) when she woke up that morning, felt her tail swish with great vigour. She was alive. She was herself. She was herself!
“And just as much me too, of course.”
The girl giggled. “Of course. Wouldn’t be here without you. This body feels amazing, you know?”
“I certainly hope it lives up to expectations,” the demon responded with a chuckle in its voice. “It is not the first time I have crafted a vessel for myself, but it is the first time I have had to content with the explicit wishes of someone else as well, and I do hope what I created is fit for purpose.”
“Oh, this is way more than fit for purpose.” The girl could’ve- and very much probably should’ve- done this conversation within the space of their collective mind, but she had a new voice. One without any of the gravelly tones that had marred her all her life. How could she not revel in it? “You know, the best- scratch that, the only good part of being in that void- was when I realized I wasn’t feeling that old dysphoria any more. While in that nothingness, I was just... Myself. Even if that myself was technically dead. But this? This feels like Myself, but in the flesh. This is how the air is supposed to feel on my fur. This is how it should feel to stand, to walk. This is how my senses- Alright, I could do without this stinking dumpster,” she laughed as she mockingly waved some air at her face, finding it to be no less rank than what was already assaulting her sense of smell. “But this is how things should’ve been all along. I’m finally me.”
“It is a pleasure to see you this happy, Meredith.”
Meredith.
It was the name she had planned to introduce herself with at the clinic that evening. It was the name she was waiting to hear from all her friends. And now it was undeniably her name. Another spark of joy filled her body, as she took a few uneasy steps to learn how the balance of this body worked. Her motions probably didn’t need this much tail to counterbalance, but hey. You’re allowed a little lenience in relearning to walk after dying, she thought with a giggle.
A vibration went off in the back pocket of her jeans. Familiar, but unexpected. “Wait, didn’t I leave my phone in my locker over at the park? Why is it here?” she asked.
“When you described your modern communication technologies earlier, as I was crafting this body,” the demon responded, “I could not help but notice your point about these being individual belongings, and their importance for immediate communication with those close to you. And so, I might have cast a small spell to give you another choice to make.”
“What kind of choice?”
The demon paused, thinking about its next words. “Even if your original body is gone, you still have connections here. It might be a struggle to convince them of your original identity, but you deserve the chance to attempt so if that is what you desire. Of course, you may instead decide to start completely anew. No past, just a future. But that is entirely your choice to make.”
Meredith pulled out her phone. Several messages, even a couple missed calls. A buzz of activity in the group chat she shared with the few people she had gotten close enough to while working at the park to call friends. The very same people she wanted to come out to first. The most recent of them, that had been pinged at her old name, just read “If you see this, please. Tell us you’re still alive. Please.”
“So what you’re saying is we’re either gonna have to come out with a bang, or start all over.”
“Exactly. Both paths have their own perils and rewards, but I believe you know what is right for you, and what you desire to do.”
The possibility of starting over yanked at her mind with its allure. Nobody would know the name or the face she once had. Nobody would think twice about who she was. All the years of having to answer to a name that didn’t belong to her, having to hide the pain of getting her most dysphoria-inducing features constantly complimented... It could all be abandoned, like the garbage in the nearby dumpster. It would be so easy to let go of everything. A perfect new start.
With a sigh, she unlocked her phone, and began typing.
“I’m alive, and I’m well. Some things happened when all that stuff went down, but I’m okay, if a little different. It’s a long story. If everyone has time, I can be at our usual cafe in maybe half an hour. There’s some stuff I have to talk about with all of you that I’d rather do face to face. Don’t worry, if anything I’m doing better than ever.”
She hit send, and moments later responses poured in. Some of the responses were shock at her actually still being alive, others were surprise at the idea of meeting everyone at a specific place and wondered about what she had to say. Everyone was overjoyed from hearing she was alive. For someone who had been kept up many a night at the thought that she’d be forgotten almost immediately if she ever vanished, the sudden downpour of compassion hit Meredith like a truck.
“You have great friends. I am happy for your sake that you chose this path.” Meredith felt a warmth within her headspace, one similar to being hugged, and noticed just how blurry the world had become from her tears.
Usually, she’d just try to wave off her emotions, but not this time. This was a time to let them flood her, fill her with their signs of life. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I have,” she got out through her happy sobs.
“Now, I do not plan to rush you, but from what I understand, we will need most of that half an hour to get to the planned meeting spot. May I invoke our agreement so that we can get there while you focus on processing your emotions?”
“Sure, sure,” Meredith responded, smiling even as tears dribbled down her face. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Then let us begin.”
Meredith’s body blinked, and when her eyelids opened again, brown eyes were replaced with a deep void, framing purple irises and sharply slitted pupils. The body’s posture changed, as the euphoric albeit emotional energy shifted into something careful, something close to a predator playing at being casual. It had an uncomfortable edge to it, especially as it made even more inexperienced steps towards the open end of the alley.
“You alright out there?” Meredith asked. The sound of her headspace voice was just as comforting as her physical voice had been, even if it carried the echoes of her recent sobbing. Feeling the difference between her body being emotional and her detached inner self being emotional was a whole different rush, one she meant to figure out when the current controller of their body had some control.
“I.. I think so,” the demon responded. “This is not the first time I have been in a body like this, but it has been far too long since the last time. And that form was rather... Different, to say the least.” It finished that last point by gesturing at their breasts, which, okay, maybe Meredith had been a little too enthusiastic about making them rather hefty when she got the option. Not large enough to be a problem, but large enough to be noticeable for sure. “Not that I think I am troubled by our shape, as this body is surprisingly comfortable,” the demon continued. At least neither of them were experiencing gender dysphoria in this new body. That could’ve been weird.
“Happy to hear you’re doing alright,” Meredith said, sadness drying up. In fact, she was now starting to feel the nerves of her quickly approaching meeting to come out to her closest friends, and remembered something that could take her mind off of those worries. “Hey, you know, I don’t think I ever got around to asking you your name.”
“And I do not think I ever mentioned it either,” the demon said, playing around with the body’s voice. It sounded firmer than Meredith, with a slightly calmer pitch and much better control of its airflow than the other inhabitant of the body had, but with some of the same soft roundness Meredith had instantly fallen in love with herself. If she had to describe it, she’d probably say it had ‘cool aunt’ energy. The loud chuckle ringing through the body, both physically and mentally, was probably due to her thoughts being slightly louder than intended. Oops. “That is something we will figure out with time,” the demon said internally with a smile on its physical face. “Besides, I do believe it would be best for us to continue this conversation internally for now, considering these streets are not exactly void of others.”
As if to illustrate its point perfectly, two pedestrians, a dust-coloured rabbit and a gray squirrel, walked past the slightly unbalanced and totally not demon-like fennec at a not quite normal pace. Meredith hoped the glances the two tried to sneak at the copilot of their body were concern about their slight instability and not worry about someone with horns and funny fur colour showing up a stone’s throw from an attempted summoning. The demon, apparently figuring out how to use its tail for balance finally, sped up a little too, keeping the body moving in a normal-enough looking way. Hopefully. “Point taken,” Meredith quietly agreed.
“To get back to your question,” the demon said, “I do not think I have introduced myself properly to you yet. It is quite a bad habit of mine, I must confess. Even if demon names, due to their connection to several methods of control and summoning, often require a degree of care in who to reveal it to, I fully believe and trust you at this point to not misuse it. Not that I think you can at this point, considering our interconnection. And... I think I just answered your quick question with a small dissertation on the nature of demon names instead. That was... Not quite my intention, and I apologize.”
Now it was Meredith’s turn to laugh at her bodily cohabitant, although this one did not make its way to their body. “Apology accepted, nerd,” she said while projecting the mental image of her pulling a raspberry at it, which was met with a soft smile as their body stopped at a street crossing to wait for a green light. “But I have to ask. Is it really just all that fancy demon stuff that’s behind you not hinting at anything? Or is there... Something else, too?”
The demon went still. So still in fact, that the light had time to turn green, and Meredith had to push her way into control of the body to get over before traffic got moving again. Had she really hit that sore a spot for someone she was gonna share a body with for the foreseeable future already? “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t wanna-”
“I am fine,” the demon cut her off. “I was just not quite prepared for your inquiry... To strike quite as deep as it did. In a positive way, if you are concerned.” The reassurances did not quite ease the tension Meredith held in her body. Wasn’t this how she felt whenever she was concerned about something? ... Was there a time she wasn’t concerned about something? A small wave of comfort came from the demon.
“All that happened was that I was forced to genuinely face my reasons for not sharing my name with you. And I realized... It is as you suggested. Even before joining with you as a single vessel, I felt a disconnect between that name and myself as an entity. Now that I too have the chance to distance myself from it...”
“... You’re trying to figure out what or who you want to be instead,” Meredith finished. “I get it. Fuck, I’ve been there myself. Do you want any help with this?”
The demon shrugged internally. “Perhaps. I am not certain yet. I did not think this would even be a possibility, and now- Wait. What did you just think?”
Meredith paused. Was that loud thoughts too? This was gonna be a long time of figuring out how their shared brain worked. “I... I was thinking about some of the names I went through when deciding on my own name. Why?”
“Because I think I liked one of those names. Was it Melody?”
“Yeah. I basically stood between that and Meredith after going through my list, and things ended up how they did. You’re thinking..?”
The demon went quiet. It kept control as they kept on walking, but all Meredith noticed was a deliberate quiet when she tried to feel it in their head. Finally, in a tone so alien in its nervousness that it almost shocked Meredith, it meekly asked, “If... Are you fine with me using that as a name?”
“Of course.” Meredith did her best to give her companion a hug from within. “If you wanna be Melody, then I’m happy to meet you, Melody.”
“Melody...”
It paused its walking, and took a deep breath. “Melody,” it said out loud. “I am Melody.” There was a deep joy in Melody’s voice, and Meredith could feel it holding back happy tears. “Thank you so much, Meredith,” it said, and offered the body back to her as its emotions threatened to overwhelm it.
“You’re welcome, Melody,” Meredith said as she sped up slightly. At least as much as her incomplete mastery of her new body allowed. After all, they’d spent several minutes on this (Albeit necessary) conversation, and they had somewhere to be.
And so they went on. Meredith controlling the body, while Melody rode out its unexpected emotions with the occasional question about the world around them. The city around them was glazed in the early sunset glow as the two started their new life as a single creature with a powerwalk towards their destination. It seemed this day was going to end much better for both of them than it started.
